Life
Dump of Thoughts.
스타인카푸스
2008. 11. 11. 03:01
1. There is a quote I like and I always found agreeable. It is,
"I am lonelier among people."
I really am. I find socializing agreeable, but I can't help but get the impression that I different with others in some fundamental way and that I am alone. It is like, I can see that I am different clearer among others than when I am by myself. Finding myself very worn out and fatigued after going to social events don't really help me feel otherwise.
I believe I first saw this quote from one of the two Word Smart books that prepares you for SAT (long time ago, and a bad source. I know.). But quotes I like those always find a way to be ingrained in my brain. I believe Word Smart said Ernest Hemingway said that.
Turns out, when I search Google for "Hemingway" and "Lonelier among people", I find absolutely nothing. I guess my memory is corrupted or that Word Smart isn't a reliable source for quotes -- either would not surprise me.
2. Somewhat tangent from above, but I find that I am too happy by self. I find my life too agreeable and enjoyable as it is. I like spending time watching movie by self with a good wine in my hand. Companionship is often too stressful for me and relaxing at home is often the preferred time to spend my vacation. 7 years of living like this, and this chain of thought, this chain of feelings are parts of me.
Nowadays, I find myself much more at ease talking to people through electrical mediums and find myself greatly 'boring' when I'm meeting someone in real life. I am much more enjoyable and colorful online. It is the by-product of my life style, I presume.
I can't imagine myself really "dating" anyone because I would soon find the relationship too constraining. I have to give up a lot of my style of life to accommodate for another person in the fabric of my life. I am afraid to do that.
I know at some point in my life, I need to move on. Change my mindset, and welcome the 'giving up' of my current life style. Perhaps it just isn't time yet that I find it more distracting than agreeable.
"I am lonelier among people."
I really am. I find socializing agreeable, but I can't help but get the impression that I different with others in some fundamental way and that I am alone. It is like, I can see that I am different clearer among others than when I am by myself. Finding myself very worn out and fatigued after going to social events don't really help me feel otherwise.
I believe I first saw this quote from one of the two Word Smart books that prepares you for SAT (long time ago, and a bad source. I know.). But quotes I like those always find a way to be ingrained in my brain. I believe Word Smart said Ernest Hemingway said that.
Turns out, when I search Google for "Hemingway" and "Lonelier among people", I find absolutely nothing. I guess my memory is corrupted or that Word Smart isn't a reliable source for quotes -- either would not surprise me.
2. Somewhat tangent from above, but I find that I am too happy by self. I find my life too agreeable and enjoyable as it is. I like spending time watching movie by self with a good wine in my hand. Companionship is often too stressful for me and relaxing at home is often the preferred time to spend my vacation. 7 years of living like this, and this chain of thought, this chain of feelings are parts of me.
Nowadays, I find myself much more at ease talking to people through electrical mediums and find myself greatly 'boring' when I'm meeting someone in real life. I am much more enjoyable and colorful online. It is the by-product of my life style, I presume.
I can't imagine myself really "dating" anyone because I would soon find the relationship too constraining. I have to give up a lot of my style of life to accommodate for another person in the fabric of my life. I am afraid to do that.
I know at some point in my life, I need to move on. Change my mindset, and welcome the 'giving up' of my current life style. Perhaps it just isn't time yet that I find it more distracting than agreeable.