Broken.

The other day, I realized I'm quite different from others in many normal ways -- I would like to use the word "broken." I am broken in many levels that makes a person a person.

I don't like social gatherings that much. As Hemingway said, I feel lonelier among people. Parties are just noises to my ears and I would rather stay away from them for the most part.

I don't have healthy consumption behavior. Honestly, I don't know much about spending money for self. I struggle to find a shoes/shirts/pants when I go shopping (that is, if I go shopping -- and that happens once in a blue moon) because I simply don't remember what size I wear and am picky about how it looks like. I don't care much about the delicacies, I don't pay for luxuries like a modern cell phone or music player.

My humor is broken. While I can entertain people of older generations with ease (and I'm rather good at it), I find it difficult to start/communicate conversations with my generation and younger. It always leaves me with a feeling that  I missed something crucial.

I am broken in relationships. Honestly, I have not had a healthy relationship. Ever. I am at a loss when it comes to talking to ladies and even more at loss when it comes to finding small pleasures in small transactions. I simply don't know how to express myself. I feel lonesome too often, but entering any relationship feels too cumbersome. At times, I'm even scared to think of entering any relationships.

All the things I described, I feel it, but it's difficult to convey in words. I know there's something amiss in my character.